The life of my flower...

And life goes on, which seems kind of strange and cruel; when you're watching someone die...

We all have known and faced about life and death, the most important of all on this earth.. and everything in between.. we have loved and lost our loved ones.. but what happens when we fall in love with someone (or something ??) bit by bit, and yet we watch them die everyday; knowing we cannot do anything about it.. We don't mourn their death, instead just be grateful that they lived..  Talking about this, almost everyone of us have loved flowers, loved receiving flowers from our loved ones.. but what do we do when they die? We throw them away.. right? But did you know, the flower already died the moment it was plucked from the plant/tree? No flower is alive right after it gets separated from its roots, just like we are not alive after our soul gets separated from our body.. That is the reason I hate giving and receiving flowers; because I'd rather exchange artificial flower bouquets, handmade cards and many other things as gifts rather than giving and receiving dead bodies (we all know plants are living beings, right?). And this thought I was never born with, but was embedded in my mind since the beginning, where my mother taught me to respect those plants just like you would respect another human being; and that's why on her voluntary retirement ceremony (now she is a medical professional), we displayed boards saying we shall not accept flowers AT ALL... instead plants can be gifted (and we had a plants vendor outside the ceremony hall to make it easier for the guests to get plants); and the same message went over on all the invitations as well. And we got so many plants as gifts that we had to hire a mini truck to carry them home at the end of the day.

I picked up the same message and I decided to carry forward the same at my wedding; and I did. We received a lot of plants for my wedding ceremony. If you have read my past posts I did not love him when I married him, you shall know ours was an arranged alliance (yeah, yeah.. my parents chose him for me to get married with), and so we had little time before our wedding, and that too in separate countries.. so he quite didn't get the point of gifting plants and not flowers; and so we got married in January, and a big flower bouquet for Valentine's day was the first and last flowers I have received ever since from him. Plants, yes. Flowers, no. No dead bodies shall be lurking around in my house..

I have always known that even if not plucked, flowers don't live that long, but I had never witnessed it with my own eyes. It's summer, and I like to go for walks in the afternoons to a nearby park listening to music everyday. About a week there, I saw some beautiful roses beginning to bloom in the park. I sit on a bench in there, so the closest to the place where I was sitting caught my attention. It was a lovely, lovely rose bud, which had just sprouted. I looked closely for a while and admired its beauty before I left..

The next day I took the walk to another park, but when the day after that I visited the same park again, I saw that the little bud had already begun to become a beautiful little flower, its petals softly opening in a little diameter.. I watched it for some while until I fell in love with it; and then I decided to come to it everyday..

The next day was a beautiful sight.. the petals had grown a little longer, the flower opened a little more, and the windy weather made the flower's petals overlap each other in such a beautiful way you can just look and look for long..

 The next day I saw it with open petals and a lovely little bee at work inside of it.. and for some days after that I went to meet the flower everyday, as it grew lovelier by the day for about a week, and I saw a lot of others blooming with it..

The next day as I left for the walk, strong winds were blowing and it was cloudy.. I began to think of my flower, and sure enough as I reached the park, the winds had affected it, and it was bent in one direction, as if trying to protect itself from the storm, and trying to hide itself from being blown away..

The next day it blew hard, and the clouds poured.. it rained and rained.. it rained whole morning, and I worried about my flower. Yes, in my mind, I had adopted it to be mine.. So, you know it is "my flower".. When the rains stopped, I sure stepped out for the walk, but more than walking on a cold afternoon, I wanted to check in on my dear flower. Sure enough, the hard winds and the rain had taken its toll on it, the wind had indeed blown away some of its petals, which landed far away, and little water droplets glistened on the beautiful petals...

And the next day it rained as well, but not as hard; nonetheless, to my dismay, my flower had lost some more petals and it made me sad to see water droplets on the petals which were gradually reducing in number.. but it had straightened itself, as if ready to brave the winds and the rains now..

Next when I visited, the sun was shining, the rains and the clouds gone for good, the skies were blue and the weather perfect. My flower had braved the adversities of the weather and was smiling beautifully at me when I looked upon it.. but I was disappointed to see the number of petals reduced to a bare minimum. Apparently, the rose was braver and it made me smile as well, in spite of everything...

And the next day even before I started from my place, I was praying for my flower. But destiny had other plans. When I hurriedly reached upon to check on it, I was deeply saddened. I felt a pang in my heart to see it had lost most of its petals and I could count just 5 petals now.. but it was not low, it was not saddened; but was standing tall, as if ready to face its death with a smile. I could not smile this time. I turned off the music and listened to the sounds of silence, the sounds of rustling of trees, the gurgling of the water fountain, the chirping of birds and the humming of bees.. Something inside me broke. I knew this was the last time I was visiting "it".. I could not get up and leave. But I had to. And as I stole a last loving glimpse at my rose, it swayed with the winds, as if trying to cheer me up, and saying "my life was always supposed to be short, glad you discovered love with me".. 

As I started and turned my back, a big breeze of wind blew which blew away my hair.. and even though I could never gather the courage to look back at the flower, I knew that it took its final breath and had lost its final petals with that breeze.. I was heartbroken. I was saddened and as I sat on another bench mid-way back home, I realized flowers are the most beautiful, short-lived creatures made by God. They come here not to live for very long, but whatever they have, they give themselves away. They make our world colourful, fill it with fragrance and beauty, distribute happiness, allow the bees to have their nectar; and then silently say good-bye and depart. Shouldn't we humans live not just for our selfish self, but learn something from the beautiful flowers, and be more giving, more helpful and less self-centred.. this way, even if we don't live long enough, we shall live long in the hearts of people we reached out, and we cared for. Just like flowers, we shall be remembered as little, loving, smiling souls.. People will smile when they take our name, long after we are gone.. Let's spread some cheer, let's give out love; and let's distribute smiles all over !!

My imaginary childhood friend..

Ah childhood! Dear childhood! The best times of our lives, times we cared for nothing except for skinned knees.. our heart broke if our new pencil was lost; and we thought not doing our homework was the worst thing that could happen to us.. How beautifully and innocently sculpted our little brains were.. I miss those times, wish I could turn back time and live back in my mother's lap, and care about absolute nothing.. !!

One of the luckiest things that could happen to you in life is, to have a happy childhood.

- Agatha Christie

Sure, I did have a happy, lovely childhood. Don't we all have fantasies when we are kids? Some fantasize about fairies, some about other cartoon creatures being brought to life.. While I was a very, very introvert child who rarely liked to speak, to play with other kids, and to even watch the cartoons, I used to sit and read. It is very difficult guessing I could have fantasies. But I did. And that fantasy is the most vivid of all. I have a younger brother, about 4 years younger to me... we used to play and talk and fight; just like siblings do. While he played outside and watched cartoons, I never did, and I was the shy kind.

I quite don't remember when I befriended this imaginary person. But I do remember I did. And but of course I never did go to any dreamlands with him in the real life, I suppose I saw vivid dreams of doing so, which I thought were real. I had an imaginary friend, a big man with golden wings. He was named "Bhai Naum" (no damn idea how this name crept up my mind, but I am absolutely sure I remember the correct name. He could fly and take his friends to wonderlands full of ice and snow, sometimes watery islands, other times green highlands, other times to the forests; where we could swing, play, dance and eat to our heart's content. There were no parents, nobody else to stop. Only me and Bhai Naum. And he never said a word. I only saw me being carried away to the dreamlands, but he told me he carried all his friends there on his back, but just one at a time. 

While it was the greatest pleasure being at those dreamlands, there were trees, not the usual green trees; but trees of all beautiful sorts: cream trees, cake trees, ice-cream trees, chocolate trees of so many sorts, and of course candies always were lying on all the paths, which I picked and ate so very frequently. I used to be so happy in this world, but I always worried for my mother had warned me eating too many candies, cakes and chocolates shall destroy my teeth. While at those wonderlands, I ate to my heart's content every single time, I still remember some mornings my mother used to watch me with an extra level of concern as I used to brush my teeth twice/thrice as she waited for me to finish. She also worried why as a kid I never asked for ice creams, chocolates and cakes or candies (I actually never asked !!), because those dreamlands were so real for me that I used to think I have had a lot of treats that I should probably not eat any more. I was satisfied. 

While my imaginary friend took me to all the places I wished for, he had trees on his back. Trees, not fruit trees, but he had two kinds of trees; chocolate trees on one wing, and lacy gift trees on another wing. I remember there were exactly 4 trees on each wing, and while I used to sit on his back before the flight, I could take some chocolates from the trees, and one gift box from the lacy gift tree.. those boxes contained gifts of all sorts: sometimes they had colouring books, sometimes they had puzzles for me, and sometimes reading books. During the journey, I could do those activities. He had also promised to always be my friend, take care of me and fight my enemies, or whoever troubled me.

I remember it was a hot afternoon, while we were having summer holidays from school and me and my brother were home alone with our grandmother. I don't remember what quite happened, but we broke into a big fight, just like siblings always do. He always used to beat me, because my parents always told me he is younger and I should not beat him, just complain. So I never beat him back. That day, he was beating me. After a while he stopped. Then something unusual happened. I told him about "Bhai Naum". I told him how he could fly. I told him how he was my best friend, how powerful he was and how he would take my revenge from him as he promised. And my brother got terrified. I mean really terrified. He was just a kid, so he became scared. He started crying. He asked for forgiveness. He said sorry a thousand times. Then I was happy. I scared him some further but he told me he would tell our parents about my friend. Oops! Now I got scared. But I just told him "Of course only his friends can see him, but if you promise to not hurt me again, I will ask him to forgive you", and he agreed. 

That day onwards I was the boss. He was the quiet kind around me. He even let me watch the cartoons of my choice. He stopped beating me. He was the obedient (!!) little sibling. He even agreed to take out the dishes to the kitchen after lunch, while I relaxed like a queen. Even I was a kid so I didn't feel bad for him, and of course he never told anyone. He even did his homework and also helped me with my crafts homework (cutting and pasting) every week. Now this was a happy time; after all, who has this disciplined little siblings. But often he would ask me to bring chocolates for him, but I just could not. I tried to explain him that I cannot bring him anything. But now I started feeling bad for him, after all, he was my only brother and he was very dear to me; I loved him with all my heart and felt selfish for enjoying all those treats alone all this while. Now I started asking my friend to give me chocolates for my brother but he refused. I felt sad. I shouted and cried. I fought with him so many times over this. Then he stopped coming. Even I was angry, so I didn't care. But after some days, I started missing him. I used to call out his name at night when everyone was asleep; but alas! he never replied. I was sad, very sad. I could not understand why he was not visiting any more. I pleaded him to come, I even said sorry, but all in vain. He never turned up...

For weeks I missed him, but I never told my brother about this, because I was still hopeful he would turn up. And I never wanted my brother to take over me. Then my hopes started fading, and I begin to realize of some facts. I never felt full after eating those treats. I never really saw his face, just those wings on which I used to sit. Maybe I had seen those golden wings somewhere, in some book, or in some cartoons. I could not bring anything for anyone, even though I tried sneaking some chocolates in my pyjamas, I always found them empty the next morning. He never showed up before night. So I began to wonder: what if all of it was a dream? What is none of this is real? What if he never existed and what if I just made him up in my mind?? No no no no.. this can't be true; of course I'm wrong. He is out there, somewhere; he is just angry. But no. I was probably right and my thoughts about him being just imaginary began to strengthen up. And one night I was sure. And it broke my heart. And I cried. I cried a pool of tears. I quietly cried for a long while and somewhere along, I fell asleep..

The next morning I was sure he did not exist and while it broke my heart, I decided my brother should also know that he was just an imaginary friend of mine. I thought I would explain him everything, how I asked for chocolates from him and he refused, how he stopped coming and then I realized he just didn't exist. So when we were home alone, I called him out in a manner to confess. But the moment I uttered those words that there is actually NO "Bhai Naum"... he went mad. He went mad like anything and he punched me hard. Hard enough to make me cry. And then he bit me, and kicked, and pushed me; and beat me some more.. all the while muttering something about how he used to be so scared, how he gave me the remote, how he did my homework, how he took out the dishes everyday; and something else. All I remember clearly was that he beat me like a madman. He sure was angry like hell. And them he stormed out of the house. And I don't remember what happened after that day, but I never forgot the events of that day. I remember it was the last day of our summer vacations. I remember we had spinach for dinner that day. I remember we had new bags for the next day school, a green one for him, and a red one for me. I remember every single detail. Even if I got beaten that day, it will always be a special day in my memory. My brother is now 20- something, he is my best friend ever, and I'm not sure if he remembers all this.. But that day is still fresh in my memory.. and it shall always be special.. !!

Me and my brother playing Scrabble.. 18 years ago..

The red scarf...

It was a long, hard day, I mumbled to myself..

Car keys on the table and removed my shoes..

It was about midnight, so I ordered food...

I changed and waited, while I kept my cool..

Finally the tired, sleepy me got my food..

But the ringtone of my mobile

broke the silence with all its might..

before I could even take my first bite....

I wanted to ignore, I wanted to eat and sleep..

I was too tired to even talk..

But I'm a doctor; I guess I'll have to take this call..

Food can wait, I took the call..

"Here's a dying little boy of four..

and he won't make the night for sure"

So the food waited, as I dashed out..

With my coat and shoes on a cold, cold night..

As I drove faster, I wished I could save the boy,

It was pretty late and there wasn't a soul in sight..

But I was wronged, as my car breaks screeched..

when I saw him on the road with a knife..

He came over and asked for the keys..

It was dark and I saw his back..

He had a red scarf around his neck..

I tried to explain, but he even had a gun..

And that was no fun !!

I quietly got out as he speeded away..

I looked for a taxi, but I found none..

So I walked to the little boy as my heart urged..

and inside of me, my fears surged..

In this cold night, to keep up my fight..

I left my food, and bore this pain..

But when I reached, all was in vain..

The little boy had met his fate..

Because maybe I was a little too late !!

The boy's father kicked and cursed..

He cried and shouted and made a fuss...

And I knew what I saw before he turned his back..

That he had a red scarf around his neck !!!

Butter Chicken with a twist..

Who in the world hasn't heard of butter chicken? Well, that's the most famous of all from the chicken curries. This recipe is discovered by me (yeah, yeah).. and it's cooked in butter, just like you would the original Butter Chicken; but gets a varied dimension due to the change in marinade and also change in the ingredients.. But it tasted completely different from the original butter chicken and yet, it looked inviting with the red curry; and tasted so amazing we almost licked our plates off...

For preparing this curry, I specially made my own fresh garam masala which tasted heavenly and I can't describe the aroma while it was being cooked. The method of the masala preparation and the complete recipe is here:

Yoghurt Chicken Curry

As the name suggest, this delicious Chicken Curry is marinated in yoghurt and cooked with mild spices. This is a Pakistani cuisine, using all the same spices as you would in an Indian curry, but the taste is absolutely different.. Can try for yourself... !! Looks inviting and tastes amazing !!

Ingredients:

Chicken: 200 gm

Ginger-garlic paste: 3 tsp.

Black peppercorns: 1/2 tsp.

Lemon juice: 2 tsp.

Mustard seeds: 1 tsp.

Onion (sliced): 1

Green chilli (chopped): 1

Tomato (chopped): 1

Salt: to taste

Red chilli powder: 1/2 tsp.

Turmeric powder: 1/2 tsp.

Coriander powder: 1/2 tsp.

Cooking oil: 2 tsp.

1. Mix the ginger-garlic paste, lemon juice and peppercorns and marinate the chicken in this mix for 30 minutes.
2. Heat oil in a pan and splutter the mustard seeds. Add onions and green chilli and fry until the onions start becoming transparent.
3. Add the tomatoes, and salt and turmeric powder. Mix well and cook till the tomatoes become soft.
4. Add red chilli powder and coriander powder. Mix and let cook for a minute.
5. Add the marinated chicken and mix well. Add 1/2 cup water and cook covered for 15 minutes on medium flame.
6. Remove cover and garnish with coriander leaves (optional) and serve hot.

Chicken Xacuti

This is a Goan delicacy smothered in home-made spice and coconut paste. My recipe is inspired from a Goan recipe, from the book "A sense for spice" by Tara Deshpande.
I have improvised the recipe to suit my taste-buds.

Ingredients:

For the curry
Cooking oil 4 tablespoons 
Chicken 250 grams
Bay leaf 1 
Onion (sliced) 1 
Salt to taste 

For the spice paste
Cinnamon stick 1 inch
Cloves 2 
Peppercorns 1/2 tsp.  
Coriander seeds 1/2 tsp.  
Cumin seeds 1/2 tsp.  
Dried red chilli 2  
Green chilli (chopped) 1  
Garlic (chopped) 4 cloves 
Onion (chopped) 1 large 

For the coconut paste
Cashew nuts (unsalted) 20-25 (a handful) 
Poppy seeds 3 tablespoons 
Grated coconut 1/2 cup

1. For making the spice paste, heat oil in a pan and add cinnamon, peppercorns, cloves, coriander seeds, cumin seeds, red chili. Let the spices cook for about a minute till they release an aroma. 
2. Add the onions and sauté till they become transparent. Turn off the heat and let this mixture cool. 
3. Add this mixture with green chili and garlic and grind this to a paste of fine consistency. Keep aside. 
4. For making coconut paste, again heat oil in the same (or another) pan and add cashews, poppy seeds and coconut. Toast them over medium heat until they change color to darker. 
5. Cool and grind them with a little water. Keep aside. 
6. Now, for the curry, in a pan, heat oil and add the bay leaf. Add the onions and sauté until they become transparent.  
7. Add the spice paste and mix well. Let cook for 2-3 minutes. 
8. Add chicken, mix well and add a little water if you want, cover and let cook for about 15 minutes. Remove cover and stir well. 
9. Add coconut paste and salt. Mix well and let cook uncovered for another 5 minutes on medium heat. Turn off the heat and serve hot as you wish ! 

Khara Chicken

Spicing up the chicken (and my kitchen) with another experiment using dessicated coconuts and all the whole masalas. This one is sure to make anyone's mouth water, just with the amazing aroma !!

Ingredients:

Grated coconut: 1/2 cup
Onion (charred): 1 (cooking the whole onion  till its outer skin starts getting blackened)
Cooking oil: 3 tsp.
Cinnamon stick: 1 inch
Cardamom: 2
Cloves: 2
Cumin seeds: 1 tsp.
Turmeric powder: 1 tsp.
Onion (chopped): 1
Salt: to taste
Red chilli powder: 1 tsp.
Ginger-garlic paste: 4 tsp.
Coriander powder: 1 tsp.
Lemon juice: 2 tsp.

1. Dry roast the grated coconut and mix with the charred onion. Add a little water and grind to a fine paste. Keep aside.
2. Heat oil and add cinnamon, cardamoms, cloves, cumin and fry for a minute.
3. Add turmeric and mix well. Add the onions and fry till they are transparent. 
4. Add salt, red chilli powder, coriander powder and ginger-garlic paste. Mix well and cook for another minute. Add chicken pieces and cook for 5 minutes.
5. Add 1/2 cup water and cover. Let cook for 15 minutes. Remove cover and add the coconut and onion paste and lemon juice. Mix well and cook for another 5 minutes.
6. Remove from heat and serve hot.